“The best way to persuade people is with your ears – by listening to them.” So said Dean Rusk, former Secretary of State, Rhodes scholar, and holder of a Berkeley law degree. Rusk was once a decision maker of considerable gravity and he has something forceful to teach technologists.
In my book, The Persuasive Wizard, I point out a special problem of technologists. They hear differentially. After a meeting, you can ask a technologist how the meeting went and she will have a strong opinion as to the outcome of the meeting and as to the decision makers’ reaction to the technology she presented. However, if you ask her, “What did the decision makers actually say?” she is often clueless and if she does remember almost always incorrect.
Why? Three common suspects: the technologist triggers off certain words or references rather than listening to what actually is said. Or, the technologist has preconceived opinions jamming all his circuits. Or, the technologist has a point he wants to make and squelches the receive mode so he can send at full current. There are other possibilities but that covers the three-sigma ones.
If you want to persuade decision makers, you must start by stopping. Stop talking. Listen. While the decision maker is speaking, do not begin thinking of a response. Stop thinking. Listen. Do not form a response in your mind, or on your face, or in your tongue until the decision maker is finished. Listen. When the decision maker is finished, and not until then, stop and think. Next, speak. In that order.
You will find a ten-fold increase in your ability to persuade once you start using your ears.